That day still haunts me. Inside I grieved the fact that my baby’s life would be different. That perfect baby that I delivered into the world would forever have artificial devices hooked up to him and be self-injecting insulin into his body for life. I worried about how he would feel the first time he gets intimate with a girl, and what her reaction would be seeing all the devices. Would she break his heart? Would he have a normal life?
But that wasn’t the end. Just 3 weeks later, our beautiful dog which had been part of the family for the past 12 years, died.
I bounced between grief, anxiety and guilt. During this first day, knowing my son’s diagnosis, there were some dark hours. All I had to cling onto during these days are what I call Life Raft Thoughts. These thoughts (Life Raft Thoughts) helped me keep my head above water so as not to sink deep within the emotions and feels that threatened to blacken my mind and consume me.
That day my life raft thought was…”Today a family is losing a loved one and it’s not me” and “Today someone’s child will move into the next world and that’s not me.”. These thoughts even though not happy joy-joy and a little dark, kept me breathing and grounded because all the other thoughts threatening to surface would have sent me spiralling into debilitating anxiety and despair.
The next day my life raft thoughts turned into “We are strong, we will rise to meet this new challenge” and from there I was able to reach for higher thoughts.