1. Be intentional and grounded – Slow down
When we are feeling hurt, unnoticed or taken advantage of we immediately get on the defensive which puts us into flight or fight mode. This usually finds us either spoiling for a fight or sweeping it all under the rug hoping it will just vanish (which fyi only causes our emotions to fester).
Go into situations calm and in your body and before you even enter the room or space set the intention for the outcome of the conversation or interaction.
Treat each conversation as a place to grow not a place to burn everything in front of you.
2. Look for qualities you can admire
Regardless of whether you are with family or acquaintances when you enter conversation see the good in those you are with before you pick them for their faults.
Find a quality you admire in them, it could even be that they have nice coloured eyes, or suit the colour shirt they are wearing all the way down to thinking “well they have tenacity – got to admire that”. This completely changes your energy and the direction of the conversations and in the end how you feel on the other side.
“Thoughts become things”
3. Only address one issue at a time
Now, this is more for when you are addressing the types of conversations that often turn into arguments. Instead of pulling every cat out of the bag choose one issue and stick to it.
4. Give warning
There is no quicker way to start a true blue argument then launching into a hard conversation without first creating the space and awareness that it’s going to happen.
Think about it: those dreaded words “can we talk”…send shivers down your spine and cause the pit of your stomach to drop.
Give warning and together set a time and space for the important conversation to be had.
5. Talk when the room is cool and the temperature is low
Always make sure you have conversations when NOT in the heat of the moment. It’s best to say “can we pick this up a little later please when I am not all worked up”.
This strategy allows you to take back your power rather than flying by the seat of your pants.
Words can NEVER be taken back. Be in your own power and presence.
6. Have regular check-ins
I used to call these state of union meetings. It’s not a time for warfare but a time to regularly sit together and discuss how each of you is feeling and what changes both could make to make the relationship better.